How To Use Empathy to Rule the World

howtoOxford Dictionaries defines empathy as “The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” What a perfect description right? It sounds so simple, yet can seem so complicated; empathy may be a difficult concept to wrap your head around at first.

I first learned the art of empathy when I was about 17 years old. In my thirties now, I’ve had plenty of time to master these skills on each a personal, professional, and social level.

It’s always interesting to me how some people seem naturally graceful when it comes to empathy. Like they came right out of their mother’s womb and immediately aquired the amazing talent of relating to everyone around them.

And then there are the ‘others’. The ones who would have to learn these skills to obtain them because it’s just not ultimately in their personality to think like that. When empathy is used by either party, the results can be the same. The ‘others’ however, will obviously have to try even harder to truly reap the benefits of this gift.

Lucky for me, I’m definitely the type who is naturally empathetic, so once I got the concept of how I could use it to my advantage, it was like a freight train took off and nothing was going to stop it. Lol. Empathy is awesome that way!

So the story goes something like this: I got my very first job when I was about 17 years old. It was a humble position; working as a bag-girl at our local Safeway (a grocery store), but it was great for a beginner in the work force like me.

The funny thing is, working there taught me more about empathy and true Customer Service than I ever thought possible. It opened doors for me I never expected. Let’s just say that Safeway’s 3 week Customer Service Training Program was extremely thorough and definitely world-class, so I got VERY lucky with that one.

It was in one of these training sessions where a supervisor drilled ideas… errr…I mean… taught me (over and over) the most important part of how to function as a truly empathetic person.

More specifically, he told me to, “Walk a mile in the shoes of another and only then will you understand how they really feel.” Now at first, my 17-year-old brain just thought he was being a cryptic bastard. But after a little contemplation, the light bulb finally flicked on and I just got it.

I realized that by asking myself how I would feel as a customer, a friend, or a lover in the same situation, I could better understand the perspectives from all sides of the conflict and therefore come to smarter and more likeable resolutions for my problems.

For example: as a bag girl, I would often have to deal with customers who were extremely rude. Some were so angry or upset that they would be screaming and causing a real scene. In these circumstances, there was a very clear procedure that Safeway taught and empathy played a big role in their success.

Their whole slogan was “the customer is always right” so it was my job to make sure the unsatisfied customer walked away happy no matter what. By putting myself in their shoes right there in the store, I quickly learned the truth about how easy it actually was to subdue a yelling or angry customer. It was like magic. Just by simply listening, understanding, and acknowledging their troubles, I was often able to diffuse a difficult customer without too much trouble. I’m telling you, it really does work like a charm.

So in a professional sense, anyone that has to deal with people (whether they are your peers or your customers) will benefit from using empathy. It can increase your interpersonal skills with co-workers. Not to mention that your customers will begin to feel like you really know them and pay attention, so in return they will provide the loyalty required to maintain a successful career. Yay!

Bringing empathy to the table in your social life can also allow you to relate better with your friends. Ultimately, if you are no longer able to understand where your friends are coming from, you will drift apart or cause a rift. It’s human nature.

Empathy is extremely important within the social circle because of this and can be used to make acquaintances feel more comfortable and connected with you than ever before. You might even find that they want you around so much, you’ll suddenly have a hard time choosing what to do each weekend.

Having the new empathetic you around is a real pleasure that they will definitely seek you out again and again.

Note: to really amp up the mystery and appeal here, I always try to exit social situations on a high note. This leaves your friends with the constant impression that they like having you around. This is because you haven’t stayed long enough to get on anybody’s nerves yet. Hehehe.

Anyways, empathy can also bring an intimate relationship to a gratifying new high. Chances are, you are probably more empathetic with your partner than you would be with just about anyone without even thinking about it. This is because you share more of life’s current circumstances with this person, so they are the ones who will ultimately feel the most for your situation. This causes a natural empathetic viewpoint.

When you are consciously using empathy with your partner, they feel more valued, listened to, understood, and loved. It really is a wonderful way to show appreciation for your loved one and helps to keep the lines of communication open and flowing.

Think about it; if your partner was intently listening to you and then showing recognition with their words and actions on a regular basis, you would probably be feeling pretty good about them too. It’s win, win every time. [wink]

So whether you’re dealing with a professional, social, or an intimate partner, I hope you can see just how truly valuable empathy can be. Because it does work so well, it has proven to me (many times) that putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is a valuable skill to practice.

I hope you can benefit from my lesson, too. Are you an empathetic person or are you someone who views empathy as weakness? Feel free to share your thoughts below. I’m always interested in what you have to say.

Resources:
Oxford Dictionary Online

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What I Love: My Leopard Print Strapless

LeopardPrintStrapless

Today I was looking down at my glorious cleavage and I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Thank God, I’ve got this fabulously padded, Lil’ leopard print bra!” It’s a miracle undergarment; there’s no question, so I knew it would be the perfect thing to ‘Love’ for this post.

Does it have a trick to making your breasts look like perfectly moulded rolling hills? Yes it does. It’s a secret that I’m sure many girls out there know, but one I had never considered for myself until recently.

My sister was the one who got me thinking about this because looking at her (even at a glance), it was obvious that her breasts had grown insanely perky. Really, they looked like they were trying to swallow her chin or something… seriously! They were higher and fuller than I had never seen before, so I knew she must be hiding a brilliant new secret.

The boob-licious trick she told me about? Crazy thick padding built right in to her bra!

Sounds simple right? Well, when she said, “crazy thick padding”, she meant it! With about 2-3 inches of padding at the bottom of the cup (much more cushion then I ever imagined), I now knew exactly why her chest looked like they were going to jump out and attack something at any given moment. They actually were. Lol!

Naturally, knowing this I had to have one for myself – hehehe – so I rushed out as quickly as I could and picked one up too.

With a visit to the local lingerie store behind me, my new leopard print bra is fresh off the rack and ready to cause my boyfriend some major whiplash! And OMG, do I love it!! Padded would be an understatement; this 5-way convertible strapless bra is truly the most amazing thing ever! I can’t believe I spent so much time in an under-padded bra until now. I’m not sure I could live without it anymore, so it’s definitely a new L-O-V-E, LOVE of my life!

So if you find that your current bra is making your breasts look like soggy pancakes, do yourself a favour and go get your new bounce on in a racy, multi-functional bra. I swear it’ll be worth every penny and should put more than just a little smile on your face [wink-wink].

Cheers, ladies!

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Top 5 Reasons to Love/Hate Ex-Sex

top5I’ve had a boyfriend for a while now so there has been no ex-sex for me in years. Why would I post a blog about sleeping with an ex, you ask? Well, recently I was listening to one of our local radio hosts (sorry, I didn’t take note of which one) and they were discussing something that caught my attention.

Their idea was that in these modern times, there are more reasons than ever to be involved with an ex partner. Because I tuned in too late and missed out on almost all of the story, I thought it might be fun to blog my thoughts on the subject instead. So, enjoy!

My Top 5 Reasons to Love Ex-Sex

#5 – It can be a great way to take care of your libido until you find a new boyfriend worthy of your glorious pussy. No strings attached (so to speak).

#4 – You may not have to worry as much about contracting STDs from new sexual partners (honesty and safe practices are key here – take care of yourself).

#3 – You’re already comfortable with this partner so that initial awkwardness is non-existent. And the walk of shame is much less terrible when you still have a toothbrush to use at their house, too.

#2 – You don’t have to bother shaving for him since you’ve already given him up. Woot Woot! He probably won’t appreciate this very much, but don’t worry. You won’t care. 🙂

#1 – Dirty sex will not have to be discussed in advance. Your ex already knows your kinks, so you can skip the permissions and get straight down to business.

Top 5 Reasons to Hate Ex-Sex

#5 – The desperation you feel due to the lack of viable men to screw. Ultimately forcing you to sleep with your ex time and time again. What a fun circle of events that is!

#4 – Your ex may look better now than he did when he was with you. Making you wonder why he couldn’t have got off his lazy, fat ass and get it done sooner.

#3 – Old feelings may pop up and catch either party off guard at any time. This can be especially damaging if old issues have not been resolved. In this case, avoiding ex-sex altogether might be the best course of action. Be careful out there, please.

#2 – Your ex may call out someone else’s name during the throes of passion and there’s nothing you can do about it. Ouch. Not much you can do here but cry…

#1 – Your partner is now technically single, so they could be sleeping with someone (anyone) else. Be prepared for strong emotion should you find something like this out. It may catch you off guard and cause a mountain of pain. Good luck to all you exes!

Why I No Longer Crave ‘Bad Boys’

WhyAll it took was a chance meeting and a three-month relationship packed full of trouble to realize that the temptation that is the ‘bad boy’ no longer held the same charm for me. That heady pull and dangerous attraction I once felt was now replaced with a sense of appreciation for a true ‘good guy’ instead.

So here’s my story…

I’ve always been a ‘good girl’ who has, time and time again, found myself instinctively attracted to ‘good guys’. Yes, I really did mean to say ‘good guys’ – LOL. I know… it’s rare, right? A self-proclaimed ‘good girl’… looking for a ‘good guy’…? It’s like an anomaly or something. It’s definitely not the typical stereotype that’s out there in society to date. That’s for sure.

It always seems to me that my girlfriends are drawn naturally to the ‘bad boy’. And the shadier the character, the better too. Rationality clearly does not play a part into this type of decision, so this kind of lust must manifest on a deeper level somehow.

Our North American culture often perpetuates this stereotype with books, movies, and music dedicated to the subject. These outlets often paint a girl’s obsession with ‘bad boys’ as fun or exciting instead of troublesome, as these relationships can be.

Occasionally, I would find myself out with my girlfriends and I would wonder what the hell these girls – these quality girls – were thinking. They repeatedly chose men that lied, cheated, disrespected, and maybe even abused. It never seemed right to me and I always gently gave my opinion, but was careful not to cross any lines. I did my best to avoid this type of relationship and kept my eyes open to the typical signs as much as possible.

That’s not to say that I’ve never dated a ‘bad boy’ myself, because I definitely have. One relationship in particular jumps into the fore-front of my mind every time I think about this topic. It’s probably because he looked just about as ‘bad boy’ as they come and he had the attitude to match.

I met Ryan* while driving home in my car one Summer day (I was in my 20’s at the time). He was SO amazingly good-looking (oh yes, he really was – sigh) I just HAD to pass him my phone number through the window. I could barely believe it when he actually called me later that day and asked me out on a date. I was in heaven and couldn’t wait to meet him again the next day.

Right away, it was obvious. He was a REAL ‘bad boy’ and counter to that, I was acting like a doped up Lil puppet and I couldn’t even stop myself. I found it completely impossible to form a single thought of my own around him. It was like I was high off his energy or something. I was so entranced by his looks and charm, I had become a starry-eyed zombie. Just like those girls. It was absolute craziness.

Basically, it would take me a week to type out all of the trouble he got me into over the course of our relationship. It was that much. Instead, I’m just going to list some of his worst offences below to give you an idea of the kind of guy I’m talking about.

• On our first date, he stole a wallet from a gas station bathroom and used the funds to pay for our dinner. I should’ve known there was a problem right there, but I continued on anyways because he was so captivating. Somehow, he managed to make me believe it was fateful instead of illegal, so I accepted this behavior, when I shouldn’t have. I felt really bad about it later, too.

• My friends disliked him immediately and he was not helping things by being an arrogant dick, chugging their liquor, and magically getting me to do things I never would’ve done in a million years. He even hit on other girls in front of me without a reaction. My friends could see his disrespect and my disregard, so they hated him for it.

• He ran up and over a car in a campground, denting the hood and roof, and causing thousands of dollars in damage. I did not think this was very cool, either. To make matters worse, he was arrested for doing it right in front of most of my family. Oh yea, it was the first time they met him too. Family vacations can be very entertaining at times like this. -eyeroll- Most of my family hated him after this.

• He yelled at my sister and drove like a maniac in my car (I let him because I was unable to say no to him at all). At one point, his driving got so bad, my sister was screaming and thrashing about in the back seat trying to get him to stop. I was afraid, but still mesmerized, so I just remained silent. Then he sped us through a construction zone (almost hitting a worker and causing many others to jump out-of-the-way). This lead to a registered letter threatening legal action and now my sister hated him too (we were only reprimanded in the end and he was not allowed to drive my car anymore).

After alienating all my friends and my family, I was still unbelievably enamored with him and was completely under his control. Things were starting to cave in from all directions now and I was constantly defending him to everybody. It was strange that I still couldn’t see the problem clearly.

Now some of this will be embarrassing to admit, but it’s all true, so I’m going to continue to the end no matter how painful it might be to recall…

One night after all of that, I invited about 50 of my closest friends over for a house party. Ryan is with me (despite the groans of my friends) and not even an hour into it, he’s pissed drunk and starts acting like an asshole in front of everyone (what else is new?).

It’s still really early and things haven’t even begun to get good but Ryan starts demanding that I take him to bed because he’s already done. I was quite upset about this departure (as were my invited guests), but I went downstairs to bed with him anyways because I was still all caught up on him.

We start getting frisky before going to sleep and it’s not long before I start grinding away in the girl-on-top position. Honestly, I was enjoying myself quite a bit and everything seemed ok, but things were about to take a turn that I wasn’t expecting.

With my eyes closed, I’m trying every trick in the book to seal this deal for him and suddenly, out of nowhere, I hear something strange. Snoring. Loud snoring too.

No… it couldn’t be… No…

But it was. OMG! Quickly, I opened my eyes and looked. Yep. He had fallen asleep.

Now, I’ve had enough accolades in my life to maintain my confidence when it comes to my sexual prowess. That was the least of my worries. Instead, all the trouble he had caused and everything I had put up with came flooding to the surface all at once. Instantly making me furious.

I realized that I had enough of his shit and suddenly, I was fuming. I was so angry, I actually beat on his chest with my fist and yelled at him, but he was in such a deep sleep, it didn’t even wake him.

Note: This was not the first time I had noticed that it was impossible to wake him up. Once before that, we had fallen asleep with my arm trapped beneath him. It took me over an hour of screaming and fighting with his dead-asleep body to get it back and he never woke up the whole time. This was nothing new for Ryan.

Anyways, I digress. He’s fast asleep and I’m pissed off, so I did the only thing I knew would make me happy in this situation. I went straight into the bathroom, got my shaving supplies, and went back into the bedroom. Without remorse, I proceeded to get even by shaving all his pubic hair off.

Ahhhhh… That felt better. Then I went back upstairs and partied until late into the night with my friends (who thought this was awesome).

Now I don’t usually advocate any ‘getting even’ technique. It’s a childish thing to do in most cases and may even contribute to retaliation and/or a dangerous situation. Please do not take this advice to heart. I just mention it because it’s true to the story, what I did caused no real damage, and (in this instance) it worked like a charm.

In the morning he never did ask me about it at all and I didn’t offer the information either. I was in a great mood but he was uncharacteristically quiet and he left as soon as he woke up. LOL. I’m not sure if he had an idea about what happened to his once thick pubic mane or not, but I really could have cared less. I assumed that he was probably very confused and embarrassed about it, but he didn’t have the guts to ask. So I didn’t tell.

Finally, my obsession with this ‘bad boy’ was over. Bigger than that, I found my attraction for all bad boys was gone. Just like that. I no longer saw them as a good-looking movie-character type of bad-asses. Instead, I saw assholes who would never treat me right instead.

Needless to say, I broke it off with him shortly thereafter. Our relationship had just become too much trouble and I could no longer support his bad behavior. My friends and family could sigh with relief. I had finally seen the light.

It became painfully obvious to me that I’d much prefer a guy on the ‘straight and narrow’ to a true ‘bad boy’. Never again did I secretly pine away for a guy with a mischievous glint in his eye. I had been through this experience and was not going to repeat that exchange no matter what. Because of him, I no longer craved the ‘bad boy’ lifestyle and was left with a new appreciation for the ‘good guy’. Instead. 🙂

So now I wanna know about you. Do you find yourself falling for the same jerk over and over? Or do you like the good guy too? Let me know. I’m always happy to hear from you.

*Name changed to protect his identity/anonymity

Top 5 Advantages/Disadvantages to Dating an Extremely Handsome Man

top5Hey all! 🙂 Today I thought I’d blog something a little different. Because of the beautiful sunshine, I’m feeling lighter and fluffier this afternoon, so I thought, “why not write fluff too?” lol

Please note that this Top 5 was derived from my experiences in dealing with exceptionally handsome men on both a personal and professional level. They are not the result of hours of internet research, so if there’s anything you’d like to add, please feel free to contribute.

With that said, here is today’s Top 5 List of the advantages to dating an extremely handsome man:

#5 – Waking up in the morning to the most beautiful rippling muscles you’ve ever seen
#4 – Receiving positive smiles all around because you are a “nice looking couple”
#3 – Your children will have a better chance of being good-looking too
#2 – Extra perks & free random gifts everywhere you go
#1 – Your girlfriends may be so transfixed by his good looks that they don’t even notice that he’s a complete asshole

Top 5 disadvantages to dating an extremely handsome man:

#5 – Mr. Good Looking may be so high on himself, he’ll never come down
#4 – Women glare at you with envy when you go out together
#3 – Waitresses are often very nice and smiley to him, but not very friendly to you
#2 – Your girlfriends may be so jealous they’ll do anything to tear your relationship apart
#1 – Random chicks occasionally run up to him and jump into his arms like they never let him go or something – Now I have to say I’m usually fairly polite when this happens (I’m a good girl after all), but what I’d really like to say is, “Get off my boyfriend bitch! I’m standing right fucking here!”

Cheers & have a great day everyone! 🙂

Valentine’s Special – My Crazy Valentine’s Eve

crazygirlIf you’re a close friend of mine, then you might get to brag that you were there the night I had the craziest Valentine’s ever. And while there may be many memorable Valentine evenings in my past, this one stands out as the worst for me. It was also a turning point which allowed me to make a decision about moving on.

So it must be written, but please note that this took place about 10 years ago and I’m a very different person now than I was back then. For example; then I was the Road Manager for a rock band and now I’m a Customer Service Manager for a corporate agency. A bit of a different lifestyle — just sayin’.

To get an idea of where I was at this particular Valentine’s Day, here’s the set up.

I had just found out that my boyfriend of almost 3 years was cheating on me with a mutual friend and I had very recently broken it off with him. I was out (with friends) on Valentine’s Eve trying my best to drink away my sorrow.

Now I know that drinking this particular night probably wasn’t the smartest idea ever. I even thought that at the time, but I was young and dumb. The lure of numbing my feelings with Vodka and my friends’ persuasion won out so I decided “Eff this!” and kicked off my Valentine’s party at full tilt.

We headed straight to the bar (I’m not sure which one, nor did I care) and all I can remember is dancing, drinking, and a blur of men hanging around. We’re doing shots and partying all over and the next thing I know, I’m in a strange car on my way to a party… I think.

Yep, we arrive at a house party (about an hour and a half away from my home), it`s packed with people I don’t know, and there are couples kissing everywhere. Damn!

I’m pretty sure my head wasn’t screwed on straight the entire night. It felt like I was just floating along on a cloud and everything seemed to be covered in a haze. Detached is how I seemed at the time. I was devastated and heart-broken but determined to move forward in every way, so I just kept partying. Like a robot, really.

I have to say that my friends were trying really hard to keep things light for me. They were keeping track of me and making sure I was ok, but I could tell that I was quickly turning into a Valentine’s mess. I couldn’t stop it from coming. I was just floating along in my mind, I got too drunk, and found myself lost and confused in too many ways.

The pinnacle of that party is when I burst into sobbing tears in front of everyone and took off running. Yep… I ran. I had no shoes on and I just took off, like a blur. From a house in a city where I wasn’t familiar with anything. Worse yet, it’s 4am in the morning, it’s cold, and I have no jacket.

I had no idea where I was going, but I knew I had to sob hard and run away fast. My urge to move forward and to push my bad feelings out was SO strong and I was way too drunk for any rational thought.

That’s when I was grabbed from behind by a big muscled guy. He spun me around and dragged me back to the party kicking and screaming at him the entire way. My friends (are good friends) who weren’t about to let me take off like that. I found out that they sent him after me because we weren`t in the nicest of neighborhoods (thank god for good friends).

So I found myself back in the party once again. Black make-up smeared all over my face and reminders of Valentines Hell all around me. It seemed like there were even more couples kissing and smiling and laughing than before.

Out of nowhere, a familiar feeling… Yep. That urge to run is back. And it’s even stronger. Only this time, I’m smarter. Because I’m even more determined.

I pretended to get it together a little (so as not to arouse more suspicion) and I gathered my shoes, jacket, and purse. It was tricky because I was seeing double, but I was working it out pretty well, considering. I then stole my girlfriend’s phone and found a quiet corner at the party to make a call I hadn’t made in years.

A drunken, puffy-eyed, me slurs/sobs into the phone, “Mom… Can you pick me up? I don’t know where I am… Here’s a stranger to tell you…” and I hand the phone to a random passer-by. Well, it worked because when the phone came back to me, my Mom told me she’d be there in an hour and a half. OMG – Thanks Mom & some random guy!

I have to say, the next hour and a half felt like an eternity. I spent the entire time sitting there all sad, watching all the couples, bursting into tears, and taking off.

I know I took off at least 2 more times because I can remember the big, muscled guy was getting madder and more stern each time he had to chase me down. I gotta say though, I was pretty darn determined.

Finally, I snuck off to the bathroom and managed to get out the front door without anyone noticing. I was free! And as if it was meant to be, my ride came along with perfect timing. My mom found me down the street about 2 blocks away looking like hell, wobbling around with a wine cooler in my hand, and tear-stained cheeks and clothes.

Thank god for my Mother. She didn’t even question driving to get me that far away at 6am in the morning and it was a huge relief to finally see her. I collapsed into the front seat of her car and called my friends to tell them that I was ok and that I was going home now. My personal Valentine’s hell was finally over.

The next day was when a funny thing happened to me. After all that (and a killer hangover), I reflected upon the events of that evening and I realized something important.

No cheating ass man is worth the amount of trauma I caused myself that Valentine’s Eve. Suddenly, I snapped out of it and realized that he wasn’t worth another tear to me. I was done. I couldn’t take any more and I wasn’t going to fall prey to bitterness about it anymore either. He had done enough damage.

It was because of this night that I began the long process of healing and moving forward. I really believe that something was pushing me forward that night (literally) and I saw the true purpose of that more clearly as I reflect back.

In the four years after this, I worked hard to build myself up and to gain the proper respect that I should have had for myself to begin with. Now, I’m no longer a drinker (so this situation would be unlikely to ever repeat), but it brought about a lesson that I will never forget.

No man is worth that much heart-ache, not even on Valentine’s Day. Forgive (for yourself), pick your head up (as best you can), and move forward. You deserve it.

Now I’ve shared mine, but now I have to know. What’s your craziest Valentine? Feel free to share below.

What Am I Thankful For? Another Valentine’s Day with the Man I Love

Thanks

I decided that every Thursday I would take a break from my typical blog posts to really reflect on what makes me thankful this week. Expressing gratitude and thanks is something I regularly do in my life and I feel like it brings a sense of peace I can’t achieve in any other way.

So I encourage anyone reading this to share their ‘Thankful Thursday’ stories here as well. I look forward to sharing my gratitude with you. 🙂

With that being said, today’s special ‘Thankful Thursday’ is about how thankful I am to have another beautiful Valentine’s Day with the man who I love.

My Naija man holds a confidence that is hard to match, his strength radiates from his every pore, and it has been a very amazing experience getting to know him on a deeper level.

Thanks, so much babe and Happy Valentine’s Day!

What are you thankful for this week? Share your thanks below.

How To Touch Your Way to Valentines Nooky

howto

Ok, normally I wouldn’t give away such an integral secret from the core of my flirtatious being, but because of Valentine’s Day, I’m feeling nostalgic and I don’t think I could stop myself from writing this if I tried, anyways. So here goes…

Touch. Wow. Where do I start?

When I first learned the immense power of sensual touch, I couldn’t stop myself from using it to tease men and to create titillating conversations everywhere I went. It worked like a charm for me and that was the beauty and draw of it all.

By the way, I know it works for men too. This is originally a well-known secret “guy trick”, so it’s definitely out there and being put into practice. Ahem…. Ladies?

Anyways, I myself have practiced the art of seductive (or sensual) touch for quite a few years now and I find it very fascinating every time it works. And work, it does.

It has not only made interacting with strangers more comfortable and easy, it has helped me be more intuitive about body language, and has allowed me to increase the level of closeness in my romantic relationship as well.

So when it comes to enhancing your Valentine’s day this year, there are a few seductive touches that any beginner can try. I would highly recommend that you give them a whirl.

Single and out for the evening? Attached and looking to spice things up a little more? This might just be the thing for you. My recommended touches are:

Accidental hand-brush (good for singles meeting singles for the first time or any relationship level)

Ok this is a classic in men’s ‘player’s guides’ all over the net, but the reason it’s so widespread is because it works. The true key to all of these touches is to ensure they seem “accidental” or “seamless”. This keeps the receiver from getting suspicious that something might be up.

To pull this off, you will have to reach for something and “accidentally” brush your hand against theirs. Now if there’s any connection at all, this will most likely send the receiver a jolt of excitement. If they don’t pull back or if you receive a smile, it’s a pretty good indication that you can continue increasing the level of touch. Yay!

Feeling someone’s hair (good for heavy flirting situations or any relationship level)

A bit of an advanced move, but most seducers should be able to pull this off without too much effort. This seductive touch is meant for situations where there is a great amount of chemistry and things are going really well. This is also the perfect move for increasing the flirting level quickly if you are on a path to the “ultimate touch”.

For this maneuver to work, I have found it best to come up with an excuse as to why you need to be up “in their business”. I’ve used things like, “Wow, your hair looks amazingly shiny!”or “That curl is just incredible” and I just reach out and feel it. Maybe even for a little longer than is comfortable. Sometimes I will even catch their eyes and gaze deeply while I do this. It’s an awesome lil trick.

Stroke of the knee to thigh (good for advanced chemistry or longer term relationships)

This is definitely a very strong sensual touch that can spark a leap into the ultimate level of touch, so I have found it best to use this as a “lead right into it” or a “I must have you tonight” type of situation.

Beware of prematurely using this move. Especially if you are trying it on someone you just met. It will be taken as “very forward”, so be sure to use this power wisely. Girls will get away with this easier than guys.

Laughing will be a good way to get into position for this one. At the end of a good chuckle, place your hand on your intended’s knee and squeeze lightly while beginning a gaze with their eyes (eye contact with this move will increase the butterfly quotient by a mile). Run your hand along the top of the upper leg and stop JUST BEFORE the area that would normally be covered by either a mini skirt or boxer shorts (depending on their sex).

A deeper gaze and an unexpected finger linger here should garner you a blush at the least. It should also give you a very strong indication if this relationship will be moving to the ultimate touch level which would then begin to head underneath the clothes.

Basically, if you get to this point and your date is still smiling and staring, or even better yet, beginning to rub themself on you uncontrollably, you’re pretty much golden. Valentine’s nooky is awaiting you and you should get ready to jump on that train hard.

Ultimately, there’s so much to learn when it comes to sensual or erotic touching that these mentions only barely scratch the surface. Because of this, I’d love it if you would like to expand upon this topic or to share your experiences below.

Good luck & I can’t wait to hear from you.

Top 5 Reasons to Love Valentine’s Day

top51 – Chocolates & Flowers

Most guys that I’ve known are smart enough to bring you at least one of these things on Valentine’s Day. Either of which would be welcomed by me with a smile and a sweet kiss.

Chocolate is smooth and sweet and just drips of Valentine’s love. I don’t feel I even have to elaborate about the greatest temptation known to man. Chocolate is just amazing and makes a great V-day gift every time.

Flowers allow your senses to savor in a different way, but their delight lasts longer which is their main appeal. The heady scents and colorful artistry continuously reminds one of the thoughtful sender every time they are sensed. Mmmmmmn.

Fake chocolate or wilted flowers instead? Oooh. I feel for you. Just remember that your partner really didn’t mean to disappoint you and try not to get upset. Be sure to remember this moment next year and try to bring up your love for Purdy’s repeatedly for a solid week beforehand. That might just be enough to get some more favorable results.

Purdy’s Website

2 – Formal Dates

I look forward to nothing more than to get dressed up for my date and to go out on the town for a nice evening of entertainment and leisure. Valentine’s Day is like the Super Bowl for most women in this sense.

It’s the day when love reigns supreme and the regular cycle of a relationship is thrown off to accommodate a renewal of closeness. There’s not a better night suited to appreciate your date. Both of you dressed in your best and out on the town for a romantic evening. Even people who are not overly romantic will bend the rules on this day, so be sure to take advantage of it while it lasts.

If you have a partner that just isn’t into any kind of formal dating, it can be great to keep it casual too. Valentines is the best holiday of the year for that because you can make it happen any way that fits you and your partner specifically. With a little thought, Valentine’s Day can be fun no matter your choice of activity or budget restriction.

The important thing here is to get out there and do something different for the night. To go out on a formal date and enjoy the person you’re with. You never know. Sometimes you’d be surprised at how much even a change of scenery can ignite an inner passion on this day.

3 – Romantic Comedies on TV

For the entire week before Valentines, some TV stations will run romantic comedies and love themed movies. I like to take the time to spend the Sunday before Valentines watching girly movies from bed and calling all my friends for advice on what to wear for the special night.

Or better yet, if you’re single, you can arrange a romantic comedy movie party, pop plenty of popcorn, and sip fancy drinks with your closest girlfriends. What more can I say? Relaxing and awesome. Highly recommended.

4 – Making Valentines

Ok, I’m not a kid in school anymore, so why did this make the list? Because I think that Valentine crafts are awesome! I swear… they really are!! ;P

This year I’ve already made a mountain of Valentines origami and I crafted handmade cards as well. Personal touches are unique and people really appreciate them more than you would think.

A homemade gift is the perfect thing for someone on a tight budget who wants to express their feelings without stretching their wallet. All it takes is a little time and creativity. It’s also CRAZY fun sometimes, so definitely worth picking up at least one project this season.

5 – Valentines Nooky – hehehe!

So all the hard work put in to making handmade gifts and the killer outfit pay off big time and you find yourself wrapping up the greatest evening ever with a hot and sexy tryst in your lover’s bed. Does it get any better than this?!! Congratulations! Lol!

I’m not sure if there is a statistic out there for this, but I’ve always found that sex on Valentines Day may be especially tender and loving. Many guys who are usually too “macho” will allow more of a ‘making love’ type of standard, so intercourse can reach a deeper, more meaningful level on this night.

Sexy lingerie and dripping body chocolate are probably not going to hurt the vibe of this evening, so hopefully you’ve got something out of the ordinary planned for this Valentine’s Day for yourself.

The bottom line? Be sure to enjoy yourself no matter what you do this Valentines day. You deserve a good time, so even if you’re single, get out there and do something special with the person you love.

Feel Free to shout out your Top 5 Reasons to Love Valentines Day, too. I’d love to hear what you have to say about your favorites.

There’s plenty more of my Valentines Special coming up tomorrow, so Hershey kiss wishes for now, everyone.

Have a great Top 5 Tuesday!