My Cherry Has A Penis?!?

Earlier today, I was eating a bowl of delicious cherries only to discover that the piece of fruit in my hand was able to freely expose its private bits.

Right away I knew this cherry would be special. It is the only one I’ve ever seen that could outwardly express just how VERY excited it was to be heading into my mouth. I really couldn’t believe my eyes!

Looking down at my hand, the naked penis that protruded from my cherry was large, hard, and (I swear) it even winked at me. Clearly, I was amazed at the machismo of this particular cherry and thought to myself, “If only there was fruit porn, this little cherry could surely become a star”.

Unfortunately, there’s no such thing as pornography for fruit with appendages (damn!), so I decided that the next best thing would be to post him here on my blog for all of you to enjoy. This way his notoriety can live on forever. 🙂

Now please keep in mind that after I had been playing with it for a while, I couldn’t bring myself to actually eat it, even though I really wanted to. It just seemed wrong somehow. Instead, I think it will become a timeless showpiece… anyone know if I can lacquer this thing?

Anyways, it’s not every day that your cherry shows you its penis, so I’m feeling pretty hot and sexy about myself right now. [Rawr!] Hehehe!

I really hope you enjoy the food porn that I’m sharing with you today and I’m curious if any of you have seen anything like this before for yourself… I can’t be the only one out there getting a rise out of a piece of fruit, right?!?

Errrrrm, that didn’t sound right… but I think you know what I meant. [wink]

Have a Happy Hump Day everyone!!!

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My Blog’s Very First Advertisement

MyFirstAd

For the first time today, I was surfing my site and updating things as usual, when all of a sudden I see… dum-dum-dum… my very first advertisement staring back at me!

I asked it what it was doing here and it just tilted it’s big doe eyes at me and blinked innocently. This instantly takes my mind off the situation and for a moment, I actually focussed on the “cuteness” of the advert instead.

It was a handsome little devil with looks so enticing they will transfix you and draw you in immediately. With a cheeky look on its face, my new advertisement finally says to me, “I’m here, I’m cute, and I’m staying unless you want to pay me to go away.” Eff!

It wasn’t very sweet about things, but it did make me think. Should I pay to have this intrusion forever disappear? That’s a tough question, because my site is still so new. Instead, I thought I would try to make it my friend. Yes, that’s what I’ll do – I’ll ply it with compliments and make it welcome here until the day I no longer need it’s affection. Mwhahahaha!

The sweet victory of producing a blog busy enough to warrant an advertisement is a great compliment to me and for that, I will wear each one of them like a badge of honor. So don’t be shy, feel free to click any ad here that catches your fancy. I’m not a selfish person, so sharing the advert-love feels just fine to me [wink].

Now I want to know, have any of you noticed any ads on your blogs? Have you paid to get rid of them? Was it worth it? If you have any info, please feel free to share below.

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Haiku Monday

haikuThe Plight of Fluffles

I fall to the ground,
because I rolled off the bed,
making a great thud.

The Plight of Myself

She demands the world,
rolling catnip fluffiness,
her Royal Porkchop.

Had to do something different today and this is what came out. Hope you enjoy my latest piece of fluff! Have a great Monday!!!

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What I Love: Stripper Sunday

StripperSundayStripper Sunday??? Ok, you caught me. There’s no such thing as Stripper Sunday. I’m sorry. I know, I know….. I’m disappointed too. It just sounded like such a great idea to me, I thought I’d try it on for size! Turns out it fits perfectly and I love it. Imagine that… [giggles]

So ok, strippers every Sunday? If it were real, I’d be all over that shit! I love strippers in the day, in the night; in the morning, when it’s bright; anytime will do, this is SO true!!! LOLz! OK, I guess I didn’t need to rhyme about it like that, did I? Sorry, I couldn’t help it. That’s how much I LOVE strippers! Does it shock you to find this out about me? [blushes]

Truth be told, under the spirited guise of a “good girl” lies a tiger in waiting; ready to pounce on any half-naked man with rock hard abs that comes my way! Rawr!!! That would be me!!! Hehehe!

Nothing is as incredible as a seductive dance performed by an experienced performer – it’s a rush, that’s for sure. My favourite part being the end of the show when the sexed up peeler has nothing left to take off and every girl in the room starts screaming and going crazy… Wah-hoo!!!!! It’s pure heaven!!!!

Now, I’ve got to give some love to the female strippers out there as well. I can’t leave the lovely ladies out of this post just because I’m a heterosexual. Hell no, that wouldn’t be fair! 😉

Working in a tanning salon / stripper consignment store in my early 20’s left me with many interesting memories of these girls and their respective acts. Believe me when I say that some of these dancers have talents well beyond anything I could ever muster… just amazing!!! [wink] So anyways, big love to these ladies as well!

No matter what your sexual preference, if Stripper Sunday did exist, I’m sure it would be paradise on Earth!!! With appreciation for the naked human body at its maximum these days, I imagine that Stripper Sunday could surpass any old TGIFriday with a vengeance.

This is why I’m now trying hard to establish Sunday as the official day for Strippers. I love them so much, I really think people should get behind me on this so we can all benefit… [wink]

Anyways, if you support my new cause, feel free to shout it out in my comments section below. If you’re not a supporter, that’s ok too. Feel free to share what turns your crank instead, I’d be interested to hear from you, too.

Cheers all! 😉

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What I Love: Cheaters

WhatILoveCheatersOk, wait, wait. Hold on just a second here. Please don’t get me wrong. When I say I love Cheaters, I’m not talking about real-life adulterous partners and all the damage and pain that can cause. I am simply admitting my secret reality TV obsession with Cheaters [created by Bobby Goldstein].

Truthfully, I believe Cheaters is one of the tackiest, sleaziest, and most morally conflicted reality shows I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching. 🙂 And that’s actually saying a lot because, while I hate to admit it, I’m a huge (H-U-G-E) reality TV fan and have seen just about everything when it comes to the dramatic.

Interestingly, its Jerry Springer-like drama and provoked fight scenes are truly shock inducing and awe-inspiring at the same time. The show brings about strong feelings and emotions too; empathy, anger, sadness, hilarity, and delirium to name just a few. Watching really is like being mesmerized by a train-wreck or a terrifying stunt or something. The show’s jaw-dropping antics and its ability to make you feel deep compassion for the cheated on partner makes for a REAL “must see TV” experience.

So essentially, I’ve been a huge fan of this show for many years (I used to catch it at like 2am or something crazy like that) but I haven’t even thought about it in a long time. Last Friday, I happened to catch an episode of 20/20 entitled ‘Crazy Little Thing Called Love’ and during the show, they mentioned that Cheaters was going into its 13th Season. I couldn’t believe it! 13 Seasons? That’s incredible!! I wasn’t even aware that the show still existed. Damn!

Years have passed since I’ve heard anything about the show at all, so naturally I assumed it was dead. Amazingly, it looks like I was wrong. Sure enough, here they are still thriving as a brand and about as outrageous as ever. Continuing to bust in on unfaithful partners at every chance, Cheaters is still producing shows and causing drama all over Texas. Mwahahaha!

Perusing their website, I realized that it doesn’t air in Canada, so at least I had some kind of explanation as to why I’ve been deprived of this enjoyment for so long now. I gotta say, it stings just a little. Finding out about Cheaters was a very exciting development for me, so if I’m not able to catch it on TV, it looks like I’m stuck watching endless YouTube clips instead – yes I love it that much!

So now you know my secret. Watching Cheaters is my late night obsession, my guiltiest of pleasures, and my sense of revenge for all the guys who have done me wrong. It’s like candy. Unable to peel my eyes from the screen, even a fight between a deceived lover and an idiot dressed in a bumble bee costume thrills me to my core.

I must congratulate Cheaters for making it all the way to 13 seasons! I’m thinking it couldn’t have been easy for them to get this far with all the mishaps and legal troubles that they have had. It really is pretty incredible.

I will shout to the rooftops my love for you, Cheaters. Until we meet again soon…[wink]

Ever watched Cheaters yourself? Do you love it, hate it, or need to be on it? Think I’m crazy for even watching this fluff? LOL. What do you think? Feel free to comment below.

References:
Cheaters Website
Cheaters Wiki 
Transcripts proving that I didn’t make up the bumble bee bit (it was AWESOME btw!)
20/20 on ABC
YouTube

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What I Love: My Leopard Print Strapless

LeopardPrintStrapless

Today I was looking down at my glorious cleavage and I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Thank God, I’ve got this fabulously padded, Lil’ leopard print bra!” It’s a miracle undergarment; there’s no question, so I knew it would be the perfect thing to ‘Love’ for this post.

Does it have a trick to making your breasts look like perfectly moulded rolling hills? Yes it does. It’s a secret that I’m sure many girls out there know, but one I had never considered for myself until recently.

My sister was the one who got me thinking about this because looking at her (even at a glance), it was obvious that her breasts had grown insanely perky. Really, they looked like they were trying to swallow her chin or something… seriously! They were higher and fuller than I had never seen before, so I knew she must be hiding a brilliant new secret.

The boob-licious trick she told me about? Crazy thick padding built right in to her bra!

Sounds simple right? Well, when she said, “crazy thick padding”, she meant it! With about 2-3 inches of padding at the bottom of the cup (much more cushion then I ever imagined), I now knew exactly why her chest looked like they were going to jump out and attack something at any given moment. They actually were. Lol!

Naturally, knowing this I had to have one for myself – hehehe – so I rushed out as quickly as I could and picked one up too.

With a visit to the local lingerie store behind me, my new leopard print bra is fresh off the rack and ready to cause my boyfriend some major whiplash! And OMG, do I love it!! Padded would be an understatement; this 5-way convertible strapless bra is truly the most amazing thing ever! I can’t believe I spent so much time in an under-padded bra until now. I’m not sure I could live without it anymore, so it’s definitely a new L-O-V-E, LOVE of my life!

So if you find that your current bra is making your breasts look like soggy pancakes, do yourself a favour and go get your new bounce on in a racy, multi-functional bra. I swear it’ll be worth every penny and should put more than just a little smile on your face [wink-wink].

Cheers, ladies!

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