How To Use Empathy to Rule the World

howtoOxford Dictionaries defines empathy as “The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” What a perfect description right? It sounds so simple, yet can seem so complicated; empathy may be a difficult concept to wrap your head around at first.

I first learned the art of empathy when I was about 17 years old. In my thirties now, I’ve had plenty of time to master these skills on each a personal, professional, and social level.

It’s always interesting to me how some people seem naturally graceful when it comes to empathy. Like they came right out of their mother’s womb and immediately aquired the amazing talent of relating to everyone around them.

And then there are the ‘others’. The ones who would have to learn these skills to obtain them because it’s just not ultimately in their personality to think like that. When empathy is used by either party, the results can be the same. The ‘others’ however, will obviously have to try even harder to truly reap the benefits of this gift.

Lucky for me, I’m definitely the type who is naturally empathetic, so once I got the concept of how I could use it to my advantage, it was like a freight train took off and nothing was going to stop it. Lol. Empathy is awesome that way!

So the story goes something like this: I got my very first job when I was about 17 years old. It was a humble position; working as a bag-girl at our local Safeway (a grocery store), but it was great for a beginner in the work force like me.

The funny thing is, working there taught me more about empathy and true Customer Service than I ever thought possible. It opened doors for me I never expected. Let’s just say that Safeway’s 3 week Customer Service Training Program was extremely thorough and definitely world-class, so I got VERY lucky with that one.

It was in one of these training sessions where a supervisor drilled ideas… errr…I mean… taught me (over and over) the most important part of how to function as a truly empathetic person.

More specifically, he told me to, “Walk a mile in the shoes of another and only then will you understand how they really feel.” Now at first, my 17-year-old brain just thought he was being a cryptic bastard. But after a little contemplation, the light bulb finally flicked on and I just got it.

I realized that by asking myself how I would feel as a customer, a friend, or a lover in the same situation, I could better understand the perspectives from all sides of the conflict and therefore come to smarter and more likeable resolutions for my problems.

For example: as a bag girl, I would often have to deal with customers who were extremely rude. Some were so angry or upset that they would be screaming and causing a real scene. In these circumstances, there was a very clear procedure that Safeway taught and empathy played a big role in their success.

Their whole slogan was “the customer is always right” so it was my job to make sure the unsatisfied customer walked away happy no matter what. By putting myself in their shoes right there in the store, I quickly learned the truth about how easy it actually was to subdue a yelling or angry customer. It was like magic. Just by simply listening, understanding, and acknowledging their troubles, I was often able to diffuse a difficult customer without too much trouble. I’m telling you, it really does work like a charm.

So in a professional sense, anyone that has to deal with people (whether they are your peers or your customers) will benefit from using empathy. It can increase your interpersonal skills with co-workers. Not to mention that your customers will begin to feel like you really know them and pay attention, so in return they will provide the loyalty required to maintain a successful career. Yay!

Bringing empathy to the table in your social life can also allow you to relate better with your friends. Ultimately, if you are no longer able to understand where your friends are coming from, you will drift apart or cause a rift. It’s human nature.

Empathy is extremely important within the social circle because of this and can be used to make acquaintances feel more comfortable and connected with you than ever before. You might even find that they want you around so much, you’ll suddenly have a hard time choosing what to do each weekend.

Having the new empathetic you around is a real pleasure that they will definitely seek you out again and again.

Note: to really amp up the mystery and appeal here, I always try to exit social situations on a high note. This leaves your friends with the constant impression that they like having you around. This is because you haven’t stayed long enough to get on anybody’s nerves yet. Hehehe.

Anyways, empathy can also bring an intimate relationship to a gratifying new high. Chances are, you are probably more empathetic with your partner than you would be with just about anyone without even thinking about it. This is because you share more of life’s current circumstances with this person, so they are the ones who will ultimately feel the most for your situation. This causes a natural empathetic viewpoint.

When you are consciously using empathy with your partner, they feel more valued, listened to, understood, and loved. It really is a wonderful way to show appreciation for your loved one and helps to keep the lines of communication open and flowing.

Think about it; if your partner was intently listening to you and then showing recognition with their words and actions on a regular basis, you would probably be feeling pretty good about them too. It’s win, win every time. [wink]

So whether you’re dealing with a professional, social, or an intimate partner, I hope you can see just how truly valuable empathy can be. Because it does work so well, it has proven to me (many times) that putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is a valuable skill to practice.

I hope you can benefit from my lesson, too. Are you an empathetic person or are you someone who views empathy as weakness? Feel free to share your thoughts below. I’m always interested in what you have to say.

Oxford Dictionary Online



How To Touch Your Way to Valentines Nooky


Ok, normally I wouldn’t give away such an integral secret from the core of my flirtatious being, but because of Valentine’s Day, I’m feeling nostalgic and I don’t think I could stop myself from writing this if I tried, anyways. So here goes…

Touch. Wow. Where do I start?

When I first learned the immense power of sensual touch, I couldn’t stop myself from using it to tease men and to create titillating conversations everywhere I went. It worked like a charm for me and that was the beauty and draw of it all.

By the way, I know it works for men too. This is originally a well-known secret “guy trick”, so it’s definitely out there and being put into practice. Ahem…. Ladies?

Anyways, I myself have practiced the art of seductive (or sensual) touch for quite a few years now and I find it very fascinating every time it works. And work, it does.

It has not only made interacting with strangers more comfortable and easy, it has helped me be more intuitive about body language, and has allowed me to increase the level of closeness in my romantic relationship as well.

So when it comes to enhancing your Valentine’s day this year, there are a few seductive touches that any beginner can try. I would highly recommend that you give them a whirl.

Single and out for the evening? Attached and looking to spice things up a little more? This might just be the thing for you. My recommended touches are:

Accidental hand-brush (good for singles meeting singles for the first time or any relationship level)

Ok this is a classic in men’s ‘player’s guides’ all over the net, but the reason it’s so widespread is because it works. The true key to all of these touches is to ensure they seem “accidental” or “seamless”. This keeps the receiver from getting suspicious that something might be up.

To pull this off, you will have to reach for something and “accidentally” brush your hand against theirs. Now if there’s any connection at all, this will most likely send the receiver a jolt of excitement. If they don’t pull back or if you receive a smile, it’s a pretty good indication that you can continue increasing the level of touch. Yay!

Feeling someone’s hair (good for heavy flirting situations or any relationship level)

A bit of an advanced move, but most seducers should be able to pull this off without too much effort. This seductive touch is meant for situations where there is a great amount of chemistry and things are going really well. This is also the perfect move for increasing the flirting level quickly if you are on a path to the “ultimate touch”.

For this maneuver to work, I have found it best to come up with an excuse as to why you need to be up “in their business”. I’ve used things like, “Wow, your hair looks amazingly shiny!”or “That curl is just incredible” and I just reach out and feel it. Maybe even for a little longer than is comfortable. Sometimes I will even catch their eyes and gaze deeply while I do this. It’s an awesome lil trick.

Stroke of the knee to thigh (good for advanced chemistry or longer term relationships)

This is definitely a very strong sensual touch that can spark a leap into the ultimate level of touch, so I have found it best to use this as a “lead right into it” or a “I must have you tonight” type of situation.

Beware of prematurely using this move. Especially if you are trying it on someone you just met. It will be taken as “very forward”, so be sure to use this power wisely. Girls will get away with this easier than guys.

Laughing will be a good way to get into position for this one. At the end of a good chuckle, place your hand on your intended’s knee and squeeze lightly while beginning a gaze with their eyes (eye contact with this move will increase the butterfly quotient by a mile). Run your hand along the top of the upper leg and stop JUST BEFORE the area that would normally be covered by either a mini skirt or boxer shorts (depending on their sex).

A deeper gaze and an unexpected finger linger here should garner you a blush at the least. It should also give you a very strong indication if this relationship will be moving to the ultimate touch level which would then begin to head underneath the clothes.

Basically, if you get to this point and your date is still smiling and staring, or even better yet, beginning to rub themself on you uncontrollably, you’re pretty much golden. Valentine’s nooky is awaiting you and you should get ready to jump on that train hard.

Ultimately, there’s so much to learn when it comes to sensual or erotic touching that these mentions only barely scratch the surface. Because of this, I’d love it if you would like to expand upon this topic or to share your experiences below.

Good luck & I can’t wait to hear from you.