All it took was a chance meeting and a three-month relationship packed full of trouble to realize that the temptation that is the ‘bad boy’ no longer held the same charm for me. That heady pull and dangerous attraction I once felt was now replaced with a sense of appreciation for a true ‘good guy’ instead.
So here’s my story…
I’ve always been a ‘good girl’ who has, time and time again, found myself instinctively attracted to ‘good guys’. Yes, I really did mean to say ‘good guys’ – LOL. I know… it’s rare, right? A self-proclaimed ‘good girl’… looking for a ‘good guy’…? It’s like an anomaly or something. It’s definitely not the typical stereotype that’s out there in society to date. That’s for sure.
It always seems to me that my girlfriends are drawn naturally to the ‘bad boy’. And the shadier the character, the better too. Rationality clearly does not play a part into this type of decision, so this kind of lust must manifest on a deeper level somehow.
Our North American culture often perpetuates this stereotype with books, movies, and music dedicated to the subject. These outlets often paint a girl’s obsession with ‘bad boys’ as fun or exciting instead of troublesome, as these relationships can be.
Occasionally, I would find myself out with my girlfriends and I would wonder what the hell these girls – these quality girls – were thinking. They repeatedly chose men that lied, cheated, disrespected, and maybe even abused. It never seemed right to me and I always gently gave my opinion, but was careful not to cross any lines. I did my best to avoid this type of relationship and kept my eyes open to the typical signs as much as possible.
That’s not to say that I’ve never dated a ‘bad boy’ myself, because I definitely have. One relationship in particular jumps into the fore-front of my mind every time I think about this topic. It’s probably because he looked just about as ‘bad boy’ as they come and he had the attitude to match.
I met Ryan* while driving home in my car one Summer day (I was in my 20’s at the time). He was SO amazingly good-looking (oh yes, he really was – sigh) I just HAD to pass him my phone number through the window. I could barely believe it when he actually called me later that day and asked me out on a date. I was in heaven and couldn’t wait to meet him again the next day.
Right away, it was obvious. He was a REAL ‘bad boy’ and counter to that, I was acting like a doped up Lil puppet and I couldn’t even stop myself. I found it completely impossible to form a single thought of my own around him. It was like I was high off his energy or something. I was so entranced by his looks and charm, I had become a starry-eyed zombie. Just like those girls. It was absolute craziness.
Basically, it would take me a week to type out all of the trouble he got me into over the course of our relationship. It was that much. Instead, I’m just going to list some of his worst offences below to give you an idea of the kind of guy I’m talking about.
• On our first date, he stole a wallet from a gas station bathroom and used the funds to pay for our dinner. I should’ve known there was a problem right there, but I continued on anyways because he was so captivating. Somehow, he managed to make me believe it was fateful instead of illegal, so I accepted this behavior, when I shouldn’t have. I felt really bad about it later, too.
• My friends disliked him immediately and he was not helping things by being an arrogant dick, chugging their liquor, and magically getting me to do things I never would’ve done in a million years. He even hit on other girls in front of me without a reaction. My friends could see his disrespect and my disregard, so they hated him for it.
• He ran up and over a car in a campground, denting the hood and roof, and causing thousands of dollars in damage. I did not think this was very cool, either. To make matters worse, he was arrested for doing it right in front of most of my family. Oh yea, it was the first time they met him too. Family vacations can be very entertaining at times like this. -eyeroll- Most of my family hated him after this.
• He yelled at my sister and drove like a maniac in my car (I let him because I was unable to say no to him at all). At one point, his driving got so bad, my sister was screaming and thrashing about in the back seat trying to get him to stop. I was afraid, but still mesmerized, so I just remained silent. Then he sped us through a construction zone (almost hitting a worker and causing many others to jump out-of-the-way). This lead to a registered letter threatening legal action and now my sister hated him too (we were only reprimanded in the end and he was not allowed to drive my car anymore).
After alienating all my friends and my family, I was still unbelievably enamored with him and was completely under his control. Things were starting to cave in from all directions now and I was constantly defending him to everybody. It was strange that I still couldn’t see the problem clearly.
Now some of this will be embarrassing to admit, but it’s all true, so I’m going to continue to the end no matter how painful it might be to recall…
One night after all of that, I invited about 50 of my closest friends over for a house party. Ryan is with me (despite the groans of my friends) and not even an hour into it, he’s pissed drunk and starts acting like an asshole in front of everyone (what else is new?).
It’s still really early and things haven’t even begun to get good but Ryan starts demanding that I take him to bed because he’s already done. I was quite upset about this departure (as were my invited guests), but I went downstairs to bed with him anyways because I was still all caught up on him.
We start getting frisky before going to sleep and it’s not long before I start grinding away in the girl-on-top position. Honestly, I was enjoying myself quite a bit and everything seemed ok, but things were about to take a turn that I wasn’t expecting.
With my eyes closed, I’m trying every trick in the book to seal this deal for him and suddenly, out of nowhere, I hear something strange. Snoring. Loud snoring too.
No… it couldn’t be… No…
But it was. OMG! Quickly, I opened my eyes and looked. Yep. He had fallen asleep.
Now, I’ve had enough accolades in my life to maintain my confidence when it comes to my sexual prowess. That was the least of my worries. Instead, all the trouble he had caused and everything I had put up with came flooding to the surface all at once. Instantly making me furious.
I realized that I had enough of his shit and suddenly, I was fuming. I was so angry, I actually beat on his chest with my fist and yelled at him, but he was in such a deep sleep, it didn’t even wake him.
Note: This was not the first time I had noticed that it was impossible to wake him up. Once before that, we had fallen asleep with my arm trapped beneath him. It took me over an hour of screaming and fighting with his dead-asleep body to get it back and he never woke up the whole time. This was nothing new for Ryan.
Anyways, I digress. He’s fast asleep and I’m pissed off, so I did the only thing I knew would make me happy in this situation. I went straight into the bathroom, got my shaving supplies, and went back into the bedroom. Without remorse, I proceeded to get even by shaving all his pubic hair off.
Ahhhhh… That felt better. Then I went back upstairs and partied until late into the night with my friends (who thought this was awesome).
Now I don’t usually advocate any ‘getting even’ technique. It’s a childish thing to do in most cases and may even contribute to retaliation and/or a dangerous situation. Please do not take this advice to heart. I just mention it because it’s true to the story, what I did caused no real damage, and (in this instance) it worked like a charm.
In the morning he never did ask me about it at all and I didn’t offer the information either. I was in a great mood but he was uncharacteristically quiet and he left as soon as he woke up. LOL. I’m not sure if he had an idea about what happened to his once thick pubic mane or not, but I really could have cared less. I assumed that he was probably very confused and embarrassed about it, but he didn’t have the guts to ask. So I didn’t tell.
Finally, my obsession with this ‘bad boy’ was over. Bigger than that, I found my attraction for all bad boys was gone. Just like that. I no longer saw them as a good-looking movie-character type of bad-asses. Instead, I saw assholes who would never treat me right instead.
Needless to say, I broke it off with him shortly thereafter. Our relationship had just become too much trouble and I could no longer support his bad behavior. My friends and family could sigh with relief. I had finally seen the light.
It became painfully obvious to me that I’d much prefer a guy on the ‘straight and narrow’ to a true ‘bad boy’. Never again did I secretly pine away for a guy with a mischievous glint in his eye. I had been through this experience and was not going to repeat that exchange no matter what. Because of him, I no longer craved the ‘bad boy’ lifestyle and was left with a new appreciation for the ‘good guy’. Instead. 🙂
So now I wanna know about you. Do you find yourself falling for the same jerk over and over? Or do you like the good guy too? Let me know. I’m always happy to hear from you.
*Name changed to protect his identity/anonymity